The F*cked up Marriage

Here is a plain and short scenario that you are probably acquainted with: there is a guy, he has a job, maybe a car or a house, he is single but he’s thinking of settling down. And there is a girl, she is pretty, obedient, knows how to cook, maybe has a job, she is single but her surroundings think it’s time for her to settle down. The twist here is that the guy wants someone to satisfy his sexual needs, someone who would wash his clothes, cook and take care of the house and his children. The girl on the other hand wants to be married for the status itself and be normal according to the society’s standards. But who cares about the plot, let’s just skip directly to the denouement part: Male + Female = A freaking Wedding. Yaaay everybody’s happy.

Our concept of marriage is pretty much close to that of the animals, we even have a mating season for God’s sake (summer). The idea is so simple and obvious that is absurd to think twice about it; she is a good girl (Virgin and other accessories) and he has a good job, thus they are the perfect marriage material.  She likes his position and the fact he wants to get married, he likes her physique and the fact she likes him, they are therefore perfectly compatible; so why the complications! And don’t be fooled by this last sentence because once you say “yes”, the society’s demons will be unleashed and there will be an avalanche of complications crushing over your head(don’t be seen together until marriage, expensive gifts, customs and traditions, extravagant wedding, a properly furnished house…just to name a few).

To give you another glimpse on our approach of marriage, let’s imagine a dialogue between a person willing to get married but still hesitating and society:

The next victim: Does he/she like me for who I am or is it all superficial?

Society: hmm what do you mean? Who are you? Sorry you lost me!

The next victim: Do we have things in common; same passions, preferences…?

Society: Does it matter?

The next victim: Do we have the same vision; lifestyle, principles…?

Society: You’ll live like everybody else, dah!

 The next victim: Do we share the same point of…

Society interrupting: You’re being suspiciously weird, it’s just a f*cking marriage, you’ll figure out everything after it and never before, even though I don’t know what the hell you were talking about.

No wonder half of the marriages end up with a divorce and the other half with a murder investigation (just kidding not kidding). Marriage seems to be an easy and straightforward transaction in the beginning (a.k.a the “say yes” part), then, after the wedding, it suddenly morphs into a cold war that requires sophisticated military tactics. In fact, the lack of an honest deep communication and understanding of the both parties’ expectations before marriage makes the whole idea ambiguous and seemingly full of traps and assumptions. That’s why society has made a universal manual guide to a guaranteed successful marriage, so you don’t have to worry!

For men, the equation is as simple as their minds (no offense); you suppress her in the wedding night in order to avoid any potential resistance or mutiny in the future. There are also other side quests like: don’t laugh often, be rude, relentless, rigid, firm… this sounds definitely promising! But women are not engaging without a solid gear either, actually men are being attacked way before marriage and they totally ignore it, that’s why they have those strict rules because they abruptly find out that they are ridiculously way behind, and therefore they try to catch up with ‘I am the man’ thing.

See, basically society forbids girls to have a boyfriend or a lover, but around a certain age (20’s) this question turns radically from being banned to an urge must; suddenly a girl OUGHT to look for a man as soon as possible to fulfill her ultimate purpose. Hence, marriage is no longer something to consider after finding the right person, but it’s a fishing contest instead. The competition rules are simple: You throw the hook and you should imperatively catch a Pandora (marriage material man) and not Sardine (playboy). Therefore, the girl puts all her efforts and techniques into this in order to get the right fish (even if she has to make a Pandora out of the Goddamned Sardin). Otherwise she’ll be severely judged and shamed by everyone. ‘Are you married or not?’ The answer to this question is what defines a woman in this society; it’s a shortcut that enables them to know whether she is successful or not! So don’t blame the girl for starting the attack way ahead of time. After all, nobody wants to be a loser.

As to the after marriage rule, women are told to learn the art of manipulation; (yes you read it right) and that is 'agree with whatever he says, always look sexy to seduce him, choose the right timing to make demands… then; with practice; you will succeed to influence and maneuver him the way  you desire. So he would think that he is the one in charge and in control within the house, but instead, he’ll end up doing exactly what you want him to do.' Clever right!

Putting jokes and sarcasm aside, of course not all men get married to be served by a beautiful lady, and not all women want to fish a highly paid gentleman to be labeled ‘the glorious married woman’. As not all the marriages are battlefields where violence, oppression, deception and manipulation are the main weapons. But let’s be honest, the virtual idea of marriage in our culture is still pretty much f*cked up; it is centered solely on superficial matters. The pressure of the society makes marriage to a well paid guy the girl’s greatest achievement, and sitting all dressed up and ornamented on the bride’s throne her wildest dream. It also makes marriage to an obedient beautiful girl with a PhD in housekeeping the guy’s manly accomplishment and his grand victory.

The criteria of a good life partner are not only limited but awfully irrelevant and trivial. Therefore, marriage is merely the mating between two bodies instead of two souls; it’s fueled with pure personal interests instead of mutual deep appreciation of each other’s character, and it’s a mean to a selfish end instead of a sacred union. The concept of marriage is so corrupted that the image of a married couple who enjoys doing things together, supports one another in their separate endeavors, and who loves each other unconditionally, seems like a fairy tale if not a joke. On the other hand, a couple who fights constantly, who conspires against each other, dominates and takes advantage of one another, is a more realistic and acceptable version. After all, the outcome of a normalized action or behavior is systematically a normalized outcome, even if it turns out to be a total disaster. It’s really sad!