Women sexuality in a culture of shame

In a conservative society, that by the way exhibits its conservative principles on women mainly; sex related subjects are a prohibited taboo. But allow me, through the following, to dare and tackle the forbidden and put audacious light on its dark corners.

Women’s genitals, orgasmic reflexes and sexual responses, have been the subject of several studies and clinical observations in the last decades, and are by far the most complex mechanisms in the female’s body, yet most women know absolutely nothing of it, and some of them would stay in the shadows of an ignoble ignorance even after marriage or worst, till the end of their lives. The educative system would scarcely mention the male’s desire to intercourse for reproduction purposes, and the society would confirm the same story and add an extra component to the formula and that is: the mighty irresistible man's sexual desire. This former is the male valid ticket to every acceptable wicked behavior: Porn, excessive masturbation, multiple wives, harassment, rape, cheating… you name it, whereas women’s lust and sensuality are an inexistent myth or an appalling sign of dishonor and degeneracy.

Teenage girls, to start with, throughout those critical years which are worsened with a poor sexual education, experience a wide range of mysterious feelings and changes in their bodies; wet dreams, a longing to masturbate… this can leave them confused and insecure since they don’t have a full understanding of their growing body. While their male peers are straightforwardly informed of the gradual maturity of their sex organs and sexual impulses. However, this can result in serious consequences as to the harmful ways which young girls might resort to in the pursuit of discovering their sexuality (unsafe tools, unhealthy masturbation, minor abuse...).

      

In fact, the lack of education and awareness on this matter is chiefly due to the cultural belief that the girl’s hymen and virginity are sacred and exceedingly valuable. Therefore, any knowledge of the female’s sexual impulses and desires is utterly prohibited and brutally abhorred by the society, intending thus to restrain girls from sleeping around and consequently screwing the fantasy of the untouched innocent virgin up.  That’s why it is quite acceptable for guys to have sex out of wedlock, and considered to be a great shame and horror if girls do it. A woman with ‘unnatural’ sexual desire is an abnormal person, and the circumcision of women in some countries, is the proof of how men’s whims and insecurities have gotten so far to the point of depriving women from a basic human need.

Wherefore, women are compelled to suppress their embarrassing inclinations and indecent fantasies, and are even unauthorized to enjoy sex. The sexual pleasures are exclusively booked for men only. As an illustration, I used to overhear women sharing carelessly their bedroom secrets in every detail, what was usually irritating in this kind of conversations, was the passive way in which women perceive the sexual relationship; it’s always about what the husband did or liked and never about how they felt or loved. It sounded like a burdensome duty to them and they have mostly no pleasure part in it. This might appear like an insolent violation of a couple’s privacy, but then I realized that it’s fairly natural for women to seek satisfaction from chit chatting about their sex life since the latter is not particularly fulfilling and cruelly dominated by selfishness.

Women’s perception of sex is intentionally perverted, and this from the right beginning. They are given the illusion that only men who benefit from sexual intercourse and it’s a solemn obligation to unconditionally satisfy the husband’s need and wait for nothing in return, since naturally, there is nothing to be expected in the first place. Furthermore, this approach is virtually supported and commonly expressed. It’s manifested through different stereotypes; the wedding night for instance and the famous awful pain during the first penetration that is believed, according to the flawed understanding of sex, to be inevitable and mandatory. However, the first penetration, if foreplay was thoroughly performed and enough stimulation and ease provided, might result in a slight discomfort but never pain. Pain means either rape or a rushed selfish sex.

Another feature suggests that only men ask for sex within a married couple, because they uncontrollably and frequently need it. In the meanwhile, no one would mention how women’s sex drive utterly increases during the period of ovulation, or how a pregnant woman might need sex more than what a healthy man’s stamina can handle. Moreover, the world ‘clitoris’ is an ignored and neglected notion; such a sensitive part that contains double the number of nerves in a penis, is deliberately disregarded and lot of women might never have the chance to explore its orgasmic wonders.   

I’m not talking about inciting women to go similarly and sleep heedlessly around, but rather to stop the stupid double standards that makes it admissible for men to have sex, while an expulsion and punishment await girls if they dared to venture into a sexual discovery. Women have the unequivocal right to learn and be educated about their bodies and talk about it more openly without shame or disgrace. Oppression and guilt make women resistant to sexual pleasure even during marriage. Thence sex is solely a weary strain they’re forced to endure rather than an act of mutually passionate pleasure.

If women are encouraged to feel comfortable in their bodies and mindful of their sexuality, it will enable them thus to first, engage in an open and honest conversation with their partners which will lead to a genuine and fulfilling sex life. And second, it might reduce the selfishness level of men, who most of them assume that there is definitely no urge to satisfy their women’s needs since, well, they haven’t any!!