Working Vs stay-at-home: Who’s the best mother?!

Scrolling down on my phone, my attention got caught by a controversy caused by a certain “Chikh” asserting that a working woman cannot possibly be a good mother. That same person then suggested a survey for men only to answer: 

“Would you like to marry a working woman and therefore agree to throw your children in kindergarten? YES or NO” 

The results of this provocative question were even more outrageous: nearly 60% voted “NO; they wouldn’t accept an active woman as a wife!”. And the feminists just lost their mind over this offensive post. They've described it as a hideous way of incitement against working women, and persistently demanded that his account along with his misogynistic statements get wiped off urgently from the surface of the earth!

Now generally I wouldn’t care about what this person got to say about women, seemingly however, people DO care, and they care a great deal about the number of likes, comments, and votes on social media. So since the internet is now detaining a huge influence over the world whether it makes sense or not, let’s take a moment of reflection over this controversy and scratch its misleading surface to unveil a problem that is much worthier of our attention.

First of all, shutting down this kind of posts and shunning them won’t change the fact that most people are still stuck in a fucked up old fashion mindset. People who voted YES; “they would totally agree to marry a working woman”, scarcely support the woman’s freedom of choice and usually approve her financial contribution to the family. The vast majority on the other hand, the NO team; are more concerned about their wives working with men, AKA jealous/controlling, and the fact she won’t have enough time to take care of HIS needs mainly. So let us be clear: neither the YES-open minded nor the NO-traditionalist give a damn about the kids being thrown at somebody else’s care. The choice is chiefly motivated by selfish or social impulses.

If the honorable “Chikh” cared even just a little about motherhood and the children’s well-being, he wouldn’t present such a senseless and irrelevant inquiry, which, by the way, is clearly intended to be a mean of oppression and domination against women rather than an awareness campaign.

The success of motherhood is by no means related to whether the woman is staying at home or not; it is utterly dependent on her education and mindfulness.    

I can’t stress enough the major key role of women’s education, but to expose the weakness and superficiality of the previous survey, let’s take the example of two mothers; one is happily staying at home serving the household (Cinderella), and another working continuously from 9Am to 5PM (Bella). The common scenario is the following: during the day, Cinderella is too busy with the house chores and taking care of her child’s basic needs; such as eating, sleeping, and cleaning, when the charming prince comes home, he’ll require full attention and his needs must be thoroughly satisfied. In consequence, the child will most likely be spending his entire day either hypnotized in front of the TV or nagging with boredom. 

Bella, on the other hand, will pick up her child from kindergarten in the afternoon, probably chitchat with him on their way home, she’ll make dinner and do quick chores, and by the end of the day she might play or read to her kid for half an hour to compensate for her absence.

From a psychological point of view; Bella’s child can be mentally healthier than Cinderella’s little one, because he has been intellectually stimulated by the different activities the daycare had to offer, and he had the chance to interact and socialize with other youngsters. Moreover, once at home, working mothers usually feel guilty for staying away from their kids the whole day, and therefore dedicate a certain amount of time exclusively for them, which can largely be beneficial to their growth.

Contrarily, and due to traditional obligations, Cinderella is compelled to make her child’s healthy development the last of her priorities; she must first keep the house nice and clean, make proper and delicious meals, and only answer her youngster’s basic needs. Those very tasks can actually be delegated to someone else without having the minor positive or negative impact on the child. What's worse, is that we commonly believe that the sole act of staying at home is a sufficient condition for a good parenting! Which is utterly WRONG!!  

What truly impacts the children’s physical and intellectual growth, is primarily the mother’s awareness; her attention, her concern about whether her child is having a stimulating and safe environment, her ability to properly handle different situations, her knowledge about multiple subjects, her independence and intelligence, her regard to high values and science, her reasoning… and these qualities cannot possibly be acquired without an EDUCATION, and without an AWARENESS that her role and responsibility are far greater than just perpetually satisfying basic needs.      

Before concluding, note that a working mother doesn’t always match an educated one, as a staying-at-home mother doesn’t necessarily mean an ignorant one. Education is first and foremost a Consciousness of one's duty and a Will to learn vigorously.

We should draw attention to whether the woman is educated, and not whether she’s staying-at-home. Let us not fool ourselves with appearances and assume that Cinderella is always a better mother than Bella. Education and mindfulness of the child’s well-being is what we should be focusing on. And freedom with less judgment should be granted to mothers to make their own choices suitable for their own circumstances.

 PS: Regardless, Cinderella and Bella can be equally awesome mothers. Hat off to all the real superheroes out there!