I got hired, and my stomach got disturbed. I feel like living a nightmare!
I’ve never thought that I, in my age, would feel
such thing as separation anxiety. All the skeptical thoughts have been haunting
me lately; would my baby be fine? Would he be treated well? Would he feel
lonely and abandoned…Even though I know that lots of mothers put their babies
into daycare as early as three months old, I’m one of the naïve women who
decided to sacrifice her career and her comfort for the sake of her sweet cake.
I know: old fashion and stupid isn’t it.
But now that I was given an opportunity to resume my
professional journey, I will be lying if I don’t confess that I hesitated a
great deal before accepting. Even after a lengthy two years and four months of
care and devotion to this little energy sucker, I was still considering an
additional year of unemployment just to keep feeding love and warmth to the
shiny star of my life.
However, I deemed it foolish and reckless to clutch hold
of this peaceful and pleasant routine, and let such an interesting offer slip
away.
Wait! Did I actually say ‘peaceful’? Oh Wow! If only
I recorded the times when I had broken down in despair and wished badly to have
just an hour for myself. It’s crazy that all what stick before my eyes are
solely the happy and cheerful moments I spent playing and having fun with my child!
During the first couple of weeks of separation, I
noticed how Zayd has quickly grasped the change and got accustomed to it while
I’ve miserably fallen sick; my whole digestive system seemed to be anxiously
struggling. I don’t consciously think of him during my days of work, my stomach
however appears to miss his noisy and agitated presence, my nose is craving his
melliferous smell and his messy diapers (Freak x)), and my body is constantly
looking for that warm cuddly boy who used to cling to it.
Okey, I go fetch him every day at 17h30, what with
all this drama? Why am I amplifying the hardship of the situation?
Motherhood, I suppose, is indeed a terrible disease!
And here I withdraw myself from my child’s everyday
picture and gently prompt him to discover the world beyond the comfortable
walls of home.
Wait! He was playing every afternoon with his peers
in the park. Maybe it is the other way around; Zayd is the one withdrawing
himself from my sight, pushing me thus to look elsewhere and find a purpose
detached from him.
Well, dear me! I’m in a hopeless state!
Regardless, tending for my baby during his first
couple of years was the best decision I’ve ever made. No need to mention the
fulfillment and the pure happiness that nourished my spirit throughout this
experience. Now it seems time to move on, at last, without regrets to another chapter.
I feel nothing but grace and gratitude towards the ruler of the universe.
It has been a pleasure! May the flood of mothers’
generosity keep watering the thirsty soil of life.
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