Becoming a writer

 

When my boyfriend, now my husband, asked seven years ago what was my vision for the next five years, meaning what I would like to do with my life, I shrugged my shoulders and looked away, “I don’t know, I don’t really care, doesn’t matter anyways”.

He kept looking at me forcing my eyes to meet his, he asked again “What would you like to be, to achieve five years from now?”

I shook my head and let out an uncomfortable laugh: “I don’t know, whatever I’m doing now I guess, working! What else could I possibly do?”

“But what about your deepest desire, your dream?” he persisted.

“My dream?” I thought. No one ever asked me that! I realized that no one ever cared about what was my ambition or what I would love to become until bit by bit, I didn’t care myself!

My dream? Am I allowed to say my dream out loud? For everyone to hear, for everyone to know? Is it Ok to reveal that secret I buried inside of me since teenagehood that I almost forgot it existed?

My dream?

“I, I had that passion since I was little” I resolved to say, a heavy ball forming in the back of my throat “I want to become a writer, I want to write stories, stories full of mysteries and wonders, I want to publish novels.” I paused “Yeah, I, I want to become a writer, that is my dream”

My boyfriend kept looking at me, widely smiling with satisfaction as if he knew what was long left in oblivion inside my heart and now, he succeeded to extract it, his eyes shone with excitement, he said “Then that what you should be, a writer”

My cheeks burned, surely red like a tomato, I supported his amazed gaze with an even more amazement, what did he just said? He wasn’t joking, he was serious. I can see it in his eyes, he truly believes I can become a writer!

Since that day I didn’t stop writing and published dozens of novels… Nah I’m just kidding, but since then, I started thinking seriously about it; someone actually believed in my childish ambition, and it made all the difference.

It took me years to fully digest what I really want to become while navigating throughout life’s challenges. Yes, I’m still working on drafts here and there, but how is it odd that we were raised to become oblivious of what we really desire. How our parents do a great job suppressing that child inside of us, that child with big dreams and clear vision. How society shapes us to replicate the same path, over and over, and over again.

But that deep voice keeps coming back, either through you or through someone who loves you. What you want to become will haunt you for the rest of your life. The more you resist, the more miserable you become. This magical voice inside each one of us that knows perfectly what we really need and how to get there. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we nurture that seed since the beginning with love and support, how strongly it will crack the earth, how beautifully it will bloom. But it’s never too late.

A waste of time to look behind and wonder what if, a blessing to figure out where to go, and work hard to get there.